Teacher/Mom Responds To Returning To Work During COVID
Is 2020 over yet? Does anyone else want a do-over? A re-cast of the main characters? A re-read of the script before we accept the play? I am currently in the midst of preparing for the most unpredictable year of school yet. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I can hear another conspiracy theory, another what-if, another statistic, observation that “kids cannot distance,” one more, to mask or not to mask debate or comment about drinking bleach. Oh, and let me not forget my favourite; the conversation about the folks in the grocery store who stand too close or cough and you want to turn around and give them “the look.” I just want it all to go away. Except, I get to jump right in with 20 grade 6 students who will be sitting eagerly in their not 2 meter apart desks in just a few days.
If you haven’t guessed it yet, I’m a teacher. I am also a mother to 4 year old Chance and 6 year old Adrian. I also have the blessing of having a wonderful Vietnamese teenager as part of our family for the school year. So, my brain is frazzled with COVID preparedness. I’m ready to throw in the towel. No more conversations about what each province or the States or what Switzerland is doing please. I don’t need to buy any more masks that show my mouth, but claim not to fog up. They fog! Unless someone can find me one with Black Panther on it, I’d buy that mask. If I use one more bottle of stinky watery hand sanitizer in the store, I’m going to scream. But, really, why again do they all smell so different and have such different textures?
I keep looking for the answer, the silver lining. The peace or the blessing in all of this. I realize that it may not come so easy. It may not come until 10 years from now. I have and will always be someone who thrives in the midst of chaos. I don’t panic. I may rush around frantically, but don’t mistake it for a lack of focus and organization. I am still in control… I just scurry to help myself feel more productive. So, that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m scurrying to prepare the 4 and 6-year-old because I can’t go back to online learning. I don’t think during online learning in the Spring, Chance had a single Google Meet with his teacher while wearing a shirt. Far too many of my own students saw Chance’s behind because he got a kick out of it while I was doing lessons in the kitchen. Besides the humour, I also felt trapped. We were still afraid to venture comfortably outside and were completely isolated from our friends and family. I’m not eager to get back to that.
Every single teacher around this world was thrust into unknown waters, but had people looking at us to have all of the education answers – please remember…teachers execute the plans of others. We don’t EVER make the rules. We don’t write the curriculum, we don’t choose to teach math in a way you don’t understand any more. We also did not jump at the chance to teach your children from the other side of a screen. Trust me…we much prefer bums in seats and a real live hand to high-five. We also know how incredibly difficult this is for you as well. Talk to us, because we’re trying our best to do what’s best for you and your babies. So, here we are and we just need to make the best of the hand that we have been dealt. Because once we make it past this; we’ll be past it! If or maybe when it happens again, we’ll know a bit more than we did the first time this hit us. The silver lining is…April, May and June have passed and we sat with that discomfort. We prevailed, and even though at times, it was harrowing, overwhelming and confusing, we’re still here.
Some day, this moment in time will seem like a blip. A hiccup. A distant, distant memory. It may not even make it on the scale of one of the worst situations in human history. Today and tomorrow and 5 years from now our children will still thrive. They will still grow and learn and move forward. The human brain is way more capable of filling in gaps than we realize. And fact: Children’s brains are way more effective than ours is at dealing with trauma. So, I’ve decided not to be thrilled, because I’d be lying to you. But, I am okay to not have this do-over. I’m going to sit with this discomfort because I will absolutely be stronger after it (well as long as I don’t die from COVID). And, I’m going to realize that I’m not alone as I open this play. There are other actors in this with me. Friends, family, my own kids, my Vietnamese son, my students. In fact, I’m at the very least, the supreme director of this play- at least in my own home. Can I just go with that? Let’s just go with that! I recently heard from the administration at our school, this analogy: “We’re all in the same storm, just not in the same boat.” I know that means that for some of you, a positive outlook is beyond difficult. I also know that your feelings in general change multiple times throughout the day and that is also okay. But sometimes, it helps to know that even though there are some people who love the thunder and lightning of storms, there are also some who hate it. So whatever you are feeling…someone else is in a similar boat as yours. You aren’t alone!
So, I choose to end with these quotes, memes, whatever they’re called these days; Hope is not a strategy. We must have a plan. My plan is to remember the lessons are being formed minute by minute and I need to go back and start counting the periods of growth since April. And second; Try not to validate your stresses so much that you don’t make space for your growth. I’m not going to dwell. It serves no purpose. And also…Chance spent most of his Google Meets without a shirt on and no one cared. I mean…we’ll be fine!
Written By: Janice Pinnock-Ekpo
