Growing Up In The Jamaican Apostolic Faith
Growing Up In “The Jamaican apostolic Faith"
I grew up in a very religious home, born and raised in the Jamaican Apostolic Faith, yes I say Jamaican because later on in the blog I realised there is a difference in the Apostolic Faith when you cross waters.
My parents were ministers in the church.
We had to wear our hair in its natural state (only in certain hairstyles), no makeup, initially long skirts, long sleeve tops, slip (undergarment) and stockings. We had church service or an event every day of the week except for Saturdays. As a child, a huge part of me wanted more family time (inner child interpretation I wanted to relax at home more with just the family) Little did I know that family time was normal and the want/need for such time was normal as well… but as a child, what you know to be true is the way of life of your parents and the people you are surrounded by.
Teens Are Rude, Obnoxious but Smart and Often Think For Themselves!
As a teen, I had many questions about the church I grew up in. Questions like:
Why do we chastise other churches?
How is it the only people going to heaven are us?
Is heaven small, because, by our standards, only Jamaican Apostolics will be there?
Why do we talk down to people and other churches, that seems odd for Christians?
Why do we rule with fear and not love?
Why do pastoral rumours get swept under the rug and not talked about?
Why do we seem to show hate and dislike more than we show love?
Why is it our way or no conversation at all?
Why are the church rules NOT all biblical???
And the list continues.
The more questions I had, the more I realised I was not only met with opposition in the form of “this is what we believe in and that's what we do,” no explanation. I also noticed that for me the leaders of my church had a great dislike towards me that grew intensely grave in my opinion. I ignored this mainly because, what was I going to do about it as one the younger individuals in the church? We were always taught that respecting an adult's judgement and word came first in these situations. So the older I grew, the more questions I had and the more oppositions I was met with.
Be Careful Who You Trust To Be Around Your Children
Fast Forward to Renae at 19 years old
At 19 years old I met and fell in love with Marlon O James, my husband. While I’m sure I had experienced love before despite the church not wanting the young people in the church to date, your girl was a different kind of character.
So yes I met Sir Marlon James and just loved everything about him, except (sigh) he was not a Christian. But for some odd reason, I went against my belief, my way of life, the church and started a relationship with him.
Needless to say, my parents at the time were not happy about this one and understandably so. The path they envisioned for me was not exactly the path I was trodding and I understood their disappointment.
Two years later I got pregnant with our first child Asenath (now 18) and let me tell you I was not prepared for the flack I received from the church. First of all one pastor said it was expected and anything otherwise would have been a surprise. Secondly, my parents were asked to step down from their positions as ministers in the church because of my wrongdoing. And third, 95% of the church stopped talking to me.
This did not hinder me from attending the church (though it should have), I went, I observed and very little did I know, my brain was taking mental notes.
It is harder to leave unhealthy situations than most people realize. I think for me, I stayed because this is the church I grew up in, these are people I knew to be family. This environment is what was taught to be the norm for me.
It was almost as if you allowed the people you knew and loved to abuse you and it was normal.
I know strange but true.
The church should be a pace for the “spiritually unhealthy” person, but the supposed spiritually healthy was abusing the spiritually unhealthy. (Read it twice and think about it for a second)
Is There Really A God?
During this time I thought to myself “Is there really a God” and if yes, why do these people preach and teach godliness and display something else?
If God is real, then:
Why is it that everyone from my childhood seems uncaring, vicious and heartless.
Why did the biblical teachings I received from these people seem non-existent?
Why did I feel alone is a community filled with Christian brethren?
Why is it the people who my parents called friends in christ and family seem ice cold towards my family?
It all seemed odd and yet again I found myself with an overwhelming amount of questions.
However, what was clear to me is the man I was raised to believe was wrong for me was treating me exceptionally well. He was there throughout the pregnancy with me. Loved me and cared for my every need and when Asenath came he ensured that we were all well kept, maintained and provided for. In essence, it was then I realised that I had a responsible man in my life. Yes, he was always responsible but this was just eye opening that choosing to love him was greater than tradition or another person’s opinion.
During this time I couldn’t help but notice that marriages in the church were failing, and divorces in the church were on the rise and ruthless.
I’ve even had a few people approach me to say “Renae you have a good man and you should hold on to him.”
At the time when I was doubting God, I heard him say “yes Renae you were wrong in your actions with this man having a child out of wedlock”, but my love goes deeper than what you see.
A life pleasing unto God is not what you see on the outside, but what happens when no one is looking. Your hair, your dress, is merely an extension of my love for you. How you treat people, is how you show me that you love me. Love conquers all”.
After marrying Marlon we moved to Canada in May of 2013, I soon after found an Apostolic church nearby. Upon visiting the church, I realised that they were different looking from the Christians I grew up around. Besides the fact that my family was the only black family that attended the church, they dressed differently, their approach to a newcomer was different and most importantly the presence in the church felt warm (well that was new)...
After attending this new church for some time, I realised that the culture of the Jamaican Apostolic Church seems to go against what Jesus taught, which is love.
This new love felt weird until it started to feel normal (See YouTube Video Here).
During this time I questioned myself, “what are we teaching our children?" Are we teaching love or are we teaching hate?
A Note to Parents
While my parents did an amazing job at raising children with strong character, a strong belief system, strong values, love and integrity, good moral support. I’d only say this to them, “people will not always tell you who they are, but they will always show you who they are paying attention to their actions."
In conclusion, I learned a few things. While I was criticised, ridiculed and mocked by people who “looked like” what I believed a Christian should look like and I was loved and received by people who I was raised to believe were not Christians because of how they looked. Looks can be misleading.
Jesus is about love!
Have A Beautiful Day!
RTJ
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